im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
