Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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