last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
