My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
