I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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