Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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