Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
