I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
