I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
