oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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