Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
