Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
