Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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