He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
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She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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