I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize