96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
