definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize