I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
