I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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