I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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