That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I smell stomach acid.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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