I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
