Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
