Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
