I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
