Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
