hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
