I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Terrible idea I love it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
