The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
