you would pick up someone in the library
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
