We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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