The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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