omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
