a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
