I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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