I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
