so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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