just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
