I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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