you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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