somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
