I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
