Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Semen is not good for contacts.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
