My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
how drunk are you?
Several
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
