my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
