Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
well you can't waste a boner
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
