Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication