Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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