does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
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you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
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No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves