atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.