I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
