"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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