Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
