I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
