Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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