I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The air taste purple.
Randomize