K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
