Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
