i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I would ride that face into the sunset
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
