I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
