You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
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I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
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If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party