You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.