you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.