i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
