What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
