I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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