i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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