You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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