You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
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He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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