I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
