I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
