So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
