KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
