I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize