I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
