its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
