P.S. I can't hear my feet
she looked like the before picture.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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