pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
